Telephone Dating Service

I’ve always been a late bloomer. I like to think of it as being a non conformist. When everyone else bought a computer, I didn’t. I had a telephone, a typewriter, snail mail and a pager. What more did a guy need? When most singles were dating online, I joined a telephone dating service. The excitement was the mystery of it. No photos to look at. Just a wild imagination. You simply answered a few basic questions like age, hair and eye color, height, body shape and personality type. For example, you were asked if you considered yourself to be outgoing, shy, classy, a homebody or versatile. Versatile in what? In bed? After the questions were done, you were given 3 minutes to tell about yourself. I imagine a lot of dudes brag and embellish some details. Like saying they were college educated when they actually quit after one semester in their freshmen year. Of course there were the usual looking for no strings attached hook ups and the occasional pervert. Not Me! I like hand holding, walks on the beach, picnics in the park, a kiss in the rain. Who can say no to a hopeless romantic? When you’re finished recording your 3 minute testimony, you hang up and wait for messages in your inbox. It was so addictive that I would check all day, even at 3 AM. Whenever I heard the computerized voice say: “You got mail!” it was like being told on your birthday: “You got presents!”

So, here I was calling, checking and listening to the voices of women describing themselves. I started to compile a list. Those who didn’t make it were the ones who were too old, too tall, (as in, taller than me) had weird interests or considered a good time was staying home and watching TV. The versatile girls made it to the top of my list. After leaving messages back and forth in each other’s inbox, you graduate to exchanging phone numbers. Then finally, you meet.

The first girl I set up a date with was a short brunette who had a soft, sexy, voice and similar interests. (I can’t remember if she was versatile or not, but she must have been since she was near the top of my list) We arranged to meet at a diner which used to be an old railway car. I arrived early, got a table, ordered coffee and waited. After an hour and three refills, she still hadn’t shown up. I left and never heard from her again.


On to the next girl…

3 thoughts on “Telephone Dating Service

  1. There was a time when “lonely hearts” who advertised in the “Wanting to Meet Someone” column of the Toronto Globe & Mail got into real honesty in advertising. Like the following:
    —“Femme non fatale, sort of ordinary but somewhat marginal, presently residing in the North, vintage 1945, spending too much time on work, neglecting relationships and world issues, is looking for a gentle, thinking man…”
    —“Fat, ugly, early 60s woman. No sense of humour, can’t cook, hates moonlight and firesides. Seeks male who finds these qualities endearing.”
    If I were to do a self-descriptive write-up it would appear something like this:
    —“Oldish poet; homemaking skills underdeveloped; slap-dash cook; dabbles in crafts; compulsive blogger; ‘Garfield’ relationship with scales; weird sense of humor; allergic to wood smoke. Looking for man who likes to cook, clean, and finish craft projects. Must have patience galore and great sense of humor. 😉


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