A woman marries a man who is sterile. After a few years she starts to seek out someone in the hopes of getting pregnant. It didn’t work. A year later, she seeks out a friend and tries again. Each time she is genuinely remorseful and asks for forgiveness.
A man marries a woman who is cold and sometimes unable to show affection. He seeks it from someone else. Afterwards, he hates himself.
A woman marries a sex addict. He watches porn on the internet and buys magazines. She confides in a male co worker and before long they have sex. She and her husband are both hurting and need help.
People commit adultery for different reasons. Lack of affection. Not enough sex. Unmet needs. A spouse with an addiction. Even just plain boredom.
Yesterday I was conversing with a gentleman who believes adultery is always grounds for divorce. He backs this up by using the Bible. In the Old Testament, God tells Moses to permit a man to write a certificate of divorce and send the wife away. Why did God allow this? Because the people’s hearts were hard. Men were gonna leave their wives anyway. But God has always hated divorce. In the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. A man cleaves to his wife at marriage and they become ONE and no longer two. What God has joined together, must not be separated. God never ordained or created the institution of divorce. Man did. Man is always looking for an easy way out.
Yes, there are situations where divorce may be necessary, such as repeated violence and abuse. If your life is in danger, get out fast. Save yourself. My first wife was abused in every way, including sexually, by her ex husband. He was a satanist who would lock himself in a room and listen to loud heavy metal music for hours. Every time he came out of that room he looked and acted possessed. He would seek her out and attack her. After ten years of this, she divorced him. But the damage he had done was permanent. She never fully recovered and several years later she died from the abuse and neglect. Her case was extreme. She absolutely needed to get out of that marriage. Sadly, there are many women who have violent husbands and they need to get out if he is repeatedly unrepentant or refuses to change and get help
But we’re talking about adultery. Is it always a reason to get a divorce? The gentleman I was talking with says, yes. All because God allowed it in the Old Testament. Well guess what? God also allowed polygamy among the OT patriarchs. Does that mean men today can and should have multiple wives?
Jesus said that if we have lusted in our hearts, we have committed adultery. Nearly all men (and many women) have lusted. So who is innocent? If your spouse commits adultery and you have done so in your heart, are you the one without sin? My point is, most of us are not innocent. None of us have been perfect spouses. The Bible says he who is without sin can cast the first stone. No one can cast that stone. So why not forgive? Why not try and salvage the marriage? Too many couples act as if adultery equals divorce. They quickly search for someone new.
When I told my friend that I believe couples should try to work on the marriage; pray for and seek change, he got a little irate. He said maybe that’s my belief, but that is not the path for most people. That adultery is biblical grounds for divorce. End of discussion!
Yes, adultery breaks the covenant made to one’s spouse, but if the person asks for forgiveness, ought we not to forgive?