Adultery: Requirement For Divorce?

A woman marries a man who is sterile. After a few years she starts to seek out someone in the hopes of getting pregnant. It didn’t work. A year later, she seeks out a friend and tries again. Each time she is genuinely remorseful and asks for forgiveness.

A man marries a woman who is cold and sometimes unable to show affection. He seeks it from someone else. Afterwards, he hates himself.

A woman marries a sex addict. He watches porn on the internet and buys magazines. She confides in a male co worker and before long they have sex. She and her husband are both hurting and need help.

People commit adultery for different reasons. Lack of affection. Not enough sex. Unmet needs. A spouse with an addiction. Even just plain boredom.

Yesterday I was conversing with a gentleman who believes adultery is always grounds for divorce. He backs this up by using the Bible. In the Old Testament, God tells Moses to permit a man to write a certificate of divorce and send the wife away. Why did God allow this?  Because the people’s hearts were hard.  Men were gonna leave their wives anyway. But God has always hated divorce. In the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. A man cleaves to his wife at marriage and they become ONE and no longer two. What God has joined together, must not be separated. God never ordained or created the institution of divorce. Man did. Man is always looking for an easy way out.

Yes, there are situations where divorce may be necessary, such as repeated violence and abuse. If your life is in danger, get out fast. Save yourself. My first wife was abused in every way, including sexually, by her ex husband. He was a satanist who would lock himself in a room and listen to loud heavy metal music for hours. Every time he came out of that room he looked and acted possessed. He would seek her out and attack her. After ten years of this, she divorced him. But the damage he had done was permanent. She never fully recovered and several years later she died from the abuse and neglect. Her case was extreme. She absolutely needed to get out of that marriage. Sadly, there are many women who have violent husbands and they need to get out if he is repeatedly unrepentant or refuses to change and get help

But we’re talking about adultery. Is it always a reason to get a divorce? The gentleman I was talking with says, yes. All because God allowed it in the Old Testament. Well guess what? God also allowed polygamy among the OT patriarchs. Does that mean men today can and should have multiple wives?

Jesus said that if we have lusted in our hearts, we have committed adultery. Nearly all men (and many women) have lusted. So who is innocent? If your spouse commits adultery and you have done so in your heart, are you the one without sin? My point is, most of us are not innocent. None of us have been perfect spouses. The Bible says he who is without sin can cast the first stone. No one can cast that stone. So why not forgive? Why not try and salvage the marriage? Too many couples act as if adultery equals divorce. They quickly search for someone new.

When I told my friend that I believe couples should try to work on the marriage; pray for and seek change, he got a little irate. He said maybe that’s my belief, but that is not the path for most people. That adultery is biblical grounds for divorce. End of discussion!

Yes, adultery breaks the covenant made to one’s spouse, but if the person asks for forgiveness, ought we not to forgive?

 

 

 

17 thoughts on “Adultery: Requirement For Divorce?

  1. This is a hard one for sure. I feel one should always try to save their marriage before jumping to divorce. Even with abuse depending on how bad it is and how long it has been going on.

    With adultery I want to say yes but could I if I was in that situation honestly I don’t know. The one thing that came to mind right away is, was this a one time thing? Or was this something that went on for awhile like and affair or many people over time?

    A one time thing something happen they were truely sorry and wanting to save the relationship I would bit there would be a lot of trust issues and they would have to understand that.

    If it was an on going long time affair or many people over time I think that would be hard for me to forgive and try to save the relationship. I think I would want out.

    If it was porn then I think it could still be worked on and saved.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree that this is a hard one. Every marriage is different. I personally know about adultery. I know my wife better than anyone. I know her heart and her reasons for doing what she did. I know i played a role in it too. I believe in forgiveness. This is why i have the views that I do. I don’t believe in judging anyone, just hope they will try and work on the marriage first. Divorce in most cases should be a last resort, but avoided if at all possible.

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  2. These days many people don’t want to work on their relationship. But when I say this I don’t support mental and physical abuse or abuse in any form.
    But there are people I know who get bored of their partner and seek out someone else, leaving their previous partner for good.
    Actually they are not even committed from their heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know about the Bible as I don’t claim to understand what it says, but for me, adultery would probably be my ticket out. I will say, I’m married to a very distant man and I have never had an affair. Sometimes I feel bitter that I am resigned to a life of coldness and distance and I feel like it would be pretty easy for me to have a lapse of judgment. Other times I think what’s the point? People all have problems. You just replace the coldness and distance with some other crappy thing that is hard to live with. Honestly, I’d rather be single and do my own thing, but I made my choice and now feel I must stick with it. Til death do us part. I think I’ll be going first.

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      1. I don’t know if I like being single so much as I like not having the conflict. LOL. It’s hard to live with someone who is emotionally detached and then, in a way, have to kind of teach them how to relate and engage with me. I know he’d do that with anyone, not just me. It’s how he was raised and how his brain has protected him–but good grief, it is hard! But I have to keep remembering he loves me in his own way. Just not how I want him to. I guess you love people as they are not how you want them to be and that’s what the definition of love really is–to care about someone and sacrifice for them even when it hurts you the most.

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      2. It’s easier for men to be distant. They tend to keep much inside. But it hurts a marriage. I’m sorry your husband is like this. Sounds like a difficult upbringing. At least he loves you in the only way he knows how.

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  4. You’re so right! Adultery allows you to divorce but it in no way requires you to. God set a beautiful example in this regard. After the nation of Israel was freed from Egyptian bondage they promised to serve God wholeheartedly. When they worshipped other gods Jehovah likened it to adultery (Jeremiah 3:6-10). They did this again and again for centuries and he forgave them if they repented. I know several couples that have dealt with infidelity and they are happy they worked it out and addressed their issues instead of giving up. If the mate unrepentantly cheats over and over again it’s time to leave. But if there’s an underlying issue such as addiction, not enough communication or sex, etc. it’s better to work it out. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) I think a marriage will be stronger after going through those tough times.

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  5. I completely agree. Since we live in a fallen world and man sins, God allowed divorce because of hard hearts. Men were leaving their wives anyway before Moses gave this bill of divorcement. God still hates divorce and Christians ought to try to work on staying married if at all possible,Thanks for commenting!

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  6. This is rather an apt post for me to read. Should I stay or should I go? I’m lost and devastated and hurt and angry. I had thought I had made such a good choice. I also know that I haven’t been given the whole truth. It’s the deception, not just the porn, the sex and all the rest. It’s the lies, the cheating, the audacity to make me feel as though I was going mad. I’m frightened, so very frightened of a future without him and a future with him because I know in my heart of hearts that he will do it again. Do I accept this or move away. This is my second marriage. I am so humiliated.

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    1. So sorry to hear you are going through all this. A spouse who has committed fornication (as well as deception) has broken their marriage vow. If there’s no desire on your husband’s part to get help and change, you certainly do have grounds for divorce. The failure is on him, not you. Take care of you and do what is best for you.

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      1. Thank you so much. Oh he wants to change and swears blind that it’ll never happen again but with all that went on combined with his history makes that extremely hard to believe. Thanks so much for replying, it’s a really tough time right now and you’re taking an interest is genuinely appreciated.

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      2. Change is difficult on our own. That is why the cycle repeats itself. I hope your husband seeks out help. There are some good support groups for men. My first wife waited 10 years for her husband to change. It never happened. I really do wish you well and hope you find happiness.

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